embraceHow to share a parent's care with your brothers and sisters
Caring for a parent often falls hardest on whoever lives closest. Sharing it fairly starts with one plan that every brother and sister can see.
From the Embrace team. Updated October 29, 2026.
The short answer: Hold one family meeting, write down what your parent's care involves each week, give each brother or sister specific tasks they own, and keep one shared record of medicines, appointments and notes that everyone can see.
You are far from the only family doing this
In 2018, one in four Canadians aged 15 and older, about 7.8 million people, gave care to a family member or friend with a long-term health condition, a disability or problems related to aging (Statistics Canada, 2020). In the United States, AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving counted 63 million family caregivers in 2025, about one in four adults.
Hold one family meeting
Get everyone together, in person or on a video call, and include your parent when they are able to take part. Start with what your parent wants. Then write down what their care involves in a normal week, such as appointments, medicines, groceries, bills, rides and check-in calls. A written list makes it easier to see who is already doing what.
Divide the work by what each person can do
The sibling who lives nearby may take the appointments. A brother or sister who lives far away can still own a real share: ordering prescription refills by phone, handling insurance paperwork, booking the next appointment, or making the regular evening call. Write down who owns each task, so nobody assumes someone else has it covered.
Keep one set of records
When each sibling keeps their own notes, the notes soon disagree. Keep one medication list, one record of appointments and one place for notes after each visit, and make sure every sibling can see them. Our guide on keeping track of a parent's medications covers the list itself.
Agree how news gets passed on
Decide who updates the others after an appointment, and how: a group chat, a weekly call or a shared record. Short, regular updates mean nobody hears about a hospital visit a week late.
Let your parent decide what is shared
For as long as they are able, your parent decides what they want shared and with whom. Ask before adding a sibling to their records or speaking to their doctors for them. If your parent may lose the ability to decide later, ask a lawyer about the documents that name who can make health decisions for them. Their names and rules differ by province and state.
Look after the sibling doing the most
The person carrying most of the care is the one most likely to wear out. Offer something specific, such as a weekend, a month of appointments or the grocery orders, and put it on the shared list.
Common questions
How can a sibling who lives far away help with a parent's care?
They can own tasks that work from anywhere: ordering prescription refills by phone, handling insurance paperwork, booking appointments, or making a regular evening call.
What if one sibling is doing most of the work?
Offer something specific, such as a weekend, a month of appointments or the grocery orders, and put it on the shared list so it actually happens.
Do we need our parent's permission to share their health information?
For as long as they are able to decide, yes. Ask before adding a sibling to their records or speaking to their doctors for them.
How should siblings share updates about a parent?
Agree who reports after each appointment and how, such as a group chat, a weekly call or a shared record, so nobody hears important news late.